I thought I had already written about my little business venture but I couldn’t see the post to add this to so I’ll jot it down here.

As excited as I was to begin my little business venture, I started to do the math and figured I could work a 3 or 4 day week at my day job, but I would have to sell a lot of product to supplement the lost income and I wouldn’t have the capacity to go full time with it.

All to support this lifestyle that I don’t even particularly like.

It started to look more like a hindrance than a help.

I loved the idea of having less time on the job, but I would need to make ends meet to support this lifestyle – the rent and bills. With these demands, the creation would no longer be the leisurely task I started it for. The effort I would need to put in, was not worth the outcome and I would rather just stay and work a 40 hour week.

Yes, it’s a lifelong dream and I would enjoy it in theory, but it would also be a band aid.

I haven’t shared this with anyone – no one has asked. On the surface, it may seem ridiculous. All of this work to get my domestic kitchen license and permit to sell handmade food – just to scrap it?

I can honestly say I know myself well enough to know this is the right move. I know this wouldn’t make me happy in the long term, when it’s the lifestyle I’m not satisfied with.

My ex and I had been talking about getting another dog, in the months before we separated. This was me trying to breathe life into something dead. Make it more exciting.

Another dog wouldn’t have helped the situation. It would have brought more stress and hindrance.

I’m glad I have the awareness to grow from past experience and make decisions based on that knowledge. It may seem flimsy to others, but it is coming from an inner knowledge. A gut feeling.

I’ve laid the foundation and I think I will come back to the small biz in a few years – I know that my product is in demand and marketable. But I need to come back to it in the right physical and mental space.

What I am really seeking at the moment, is more time to myself. More time for my nervous system to regulate and heal.

xx