Yesterday, I was listening to an episode of This Jungian Life where they were discussing comfort zone/growth and the effect of ego dystonic and ego syntonic behaviours.

This may not be an accurate interpretation as it is a new identity for this construct (to me), but I drew a conclusion to my life. Of course.

As my older readers would remember, I had previously written about identifying and bringing myself into alignment with my values.

It’s hilarious how I will be so competent and well versed at the theory of a concept (a behavior or pattern) – but in practical, I am still doing the opposite.

I spend so much time thinking about how I will ideally ‘be’, intellectualize it to the bone but still operate from my old programming.

Until.

I recently came to realize, I am a living embodiment of my values.

I wouldn’t label myself a feminist.

I wouldn’t label myself as anything.

I could still tell you how I would want to be, but now it is that I am those things.

To be so self assured in your actions – because they are in alignment with your values – is something foreign to me, but I am relishing in this new discovery.

As a reforming people pleaser, I tend to operate on the defensive ‘this is how I am, if you don’t like it then leave’. But in living in alignment, you attract those who are also on that wave.

I have body hair and stern opinions which are almost embarrassing. But I stand by them. I am no longer afraid to be seen.

I found myself expressing one of my opinions about men (generalized) to a man and when I realized the context of the situation I was a bit affronted – in anyone less secure, this could evoke some criticism. Haha but he took it well.

For someone to accept you as you come and not make you feel the need to retreat for fear of disparagement is… well it shouldn’t be incredible or any of those things because it should just be the way it is. It should be expected.

This is the standard going forward.

It shows the stability of ones’ ego, if they can’t handle your non conformity/liberal self expression. It is holding a mirror up and says more about them than it does you.

Though I don’t affix myself to any social label, I have come to realize my self expressive behaviours are leaning toward ‘fuck men and fuck the patriarchy’. Signs of gentle resistance toward oppression and body shaming, which as it were, are where my values are deeply rooted.

But I didn’t choose to do these things to belong to the group. They naturally evolved.

How cool.