This last week, I’ve been floating around the Sunshine Coast and getting thee replenishment I’ve been looking forward to.

Having some time out, nothing to do with nowhere to be.

Only demand? Find somewhere to park for the evening.

I’ve been rising with the sun and birds and sleeping with the moon.

If you thought I was a granny before, look at me now. What else is there to do, when you’re on your own after dark?

Occasionally I chastise myself for being boring and missing out on fun opportunities – eating out or going to a bar, but in the long run these are safety precautions. My social time will come.

Yesterday, I was thinking about what I need to do – my washing, buy some shower gel, charge my battery & battery pack and refill my water – and I felt myself starting to panic.

It was so bizarre because physically, I’m sitting on the beach relaxed. But inwardly, my heart was racing and I was starting to feel dizzy.

I am managing to calm myself down with long exhales, but I’m perplexed at how easily my nervous system panics at perceived pressure.

I literally just need to restock on things so I don’t get caught out.

Actually I had noticed some new spots on my finger and thought they were from the sun and I was starting to stress about all the sun exposure I’m getting, but on closer look I think they are actually little burns. But my nervous system is constantly primed, ready to panic.

I washed my bed sheets – it’s been 2 weeks, long overdue – the laundromat had built in detergent and now my bed doesn’t smell like my bed. It’s a little off putting. Still my comfy, cozy space, but there’s something anomalous about it.

I’ll do a fun Sunshine Coast soon to make up for this one.

But these are little touch points that need airing.

It feels like there has been a lot of external hope and desire that I’m going to love the sunshine coast and move here.

It’s a nice place don’t get me wrong.

But.

The traffic? The highways?

Not my vibe.

If I were to live here, I would need to live by the coast, otherwise I would feel landlocked and not enjoy myself.

I know it’s silly – just drive to the beach!!!! It’s 5 minutes away!!!
But I know myself and if it’s between staying home and going out into that traffic, I’m staying home.

I lived in Melbourne for a couple of years and it’s not my vibe.

Also what the fuck is with the trucks here? They would seriously rather cause an accident than respect someone who is respecting their limits and the law.

I’m at the point where if a truck is approaching me fast, I put my hazards on. Fuck you too sir.

Like sorry guys, my car has the death wobble but sure, I’ll go faster to appease you? I’ll go faster and wobble off the road but it’s okay because you’ll get to your destination quicker right???? Is that what you want???

I’m helping you not have to deal with the aftermath of an accident dickhead.

The whole goal is to slow down and regulate my nervous system, but it really can’t happen with all this traffic.

I mean, baby girl could get a practical car that likes highway driving but when did I ever do anything practical? I could get a more suitable car and I could just live an unhappy conventional life in the suburbs.

No thank ya, I think I’ll continue on my journey looking for a place I like.

I feel it’s like dating.

If there’s one thing giving you the ick, it’s a no.

You wouldn’t settle for someone because everyone is telling you how great it is, when you know there’s something not right about them.

So I can’t settle for this place.

We’re on a learning journey and these are lessons.