It’s been a while since I’ve posted…

But you know what Hilltop Hoods said. When you’re writing about a small town you’ve gotta start with a cliche…

‘Time moves a little slower here
The paint peels cause the summers here are so severe
And we’re nowhere near no where you would know of’

Man I wish I could just be sincere and not take the piss out of Tassie but I’m allowed to because it’s in my blood.

You (mainlanders visiting) are not allowed to.

You don’t even realise how far behind it is until you remember the mainland has those cameras to see if you’re using your phone while driving or if you have your seatbelt on.

My brother commented on the QR codes instead of menus at restaurants in Sydney and I was like huh… we really are country here. It’s just a different way of life.

Not bad per se; you drive 40 minutes before you hit traffic lights. But also not good; rural means less educated/less opportunities/more conservative. Although mainlanders who move to the small towns thinking they’re cute and inject their creative business ideas definitely adds some juice and there’s a weird underlying progression but it’s very slow. A weird mix between artsy and conservative.

The problem is, my sense of humour is ‘dumb’ and I laugh at locals but they are being serious. They don’t know better.

Awkward.

You get that anywhere you go in Australia, but Tassie is different because it’s literally cut off from the rest of the country.

When I was in Burnie, I was at a lookout where majority of the imports arrive to Tas. That put things into perspective. Shopping local is very important and we are creative/resourceful types, but it’s not easy if you choose to go against the status quo. It’s harder to find particular vegan brands and other little luxuries that are uncommon but available on the mainland.

I had vaccinations the other day. It was weird, because it felt normal (like when you’re a child) but now I’m aware of the ‘anti-vaxxers’ and I don’t really hold an opinion because everyone is just shouting words unnecessarily but I suppose I can morally justify putting this in my body because I might be exposed to foreign elements because I am…

Going to India!!!

My best friends sister is getting married.

We’ve been talking about going for 2 years and the dream came true one year ago and it’s finally happening which is surreal.

I’m at the stage where it feels like everyone is telling me I’m going and I’m standing still in a throng of moving people.

I hate this part – I feel paralyzed by everything happening around me and fail to get excited and prepare, then when I’m there I wish I had prepared earlier.

Naturally, I need to watch ‘What’s Love Got to do With It?’ before I go, to prepare myself mentally.

It’s weird because I’m already on holiday, so I don’t need a holiday. But sometimes you do, ya know?

My nervous system could benefit from a break.

And a complete culture shock.

I keep getting lazy and forgetting why I’m here, then I remember what life was like in Townsville (lol) and I realize I actually need to rest and not call myself lazy.

Boundaries are coming along well but I still need non-sensory time, even when it feels like I’m not doing much to deserve it.

I recently read ‘Sensitive’ by Jenn Granneman and Andre Solo and it’s really brought things home for me.

I feel like the more I learn about being sensitive, the more things hit me. Like I am subconsciously giving myself permission to remove the masks and band-aids, but also I didn’t do it consciously so I get really overwhelmed and I’m like oh yes remember I’m sensitive.

It’s kinda cute, but it also kinda sucks.

Can’t I go back to the days when I’d push my limits then be like oops! GTG! Or just get frustrated and snap at everyone.

Because now I politely opt out to self preserve.

I’m also learning about my tolerance which I have not yet mastered.

It’s just hard trying to explain it to people who don’t really understand. Then they wonder why I’ve gone quiet or gotten snappy or whatever. It’s not personal, believe me.

However with new people/randoms, I just say it is what it is and trust that they will accept me as I am or move on. I have mastered detachment and if you don’t like it then it’s not for you.

Unfortunately for everyone else, I have gotten too comfortable with a regulated nervous system and won’t compromise it for anyone.

Actually, a few months ago I wrote about the child-bearing dilema. I recently read a book called ‘The Parenthood Dilemma’ by Gina Ruston. Fantastic book, not at all what I was expecting but it took me on a journey with stops I wouldn’t have even considered if not for her wonderful research.

I have decided I won’t be having children (and I am so lucky I am in a female body because the buck stops with me – if I don’t want to a baby in my body there is no way it will happen, rather than if you’re partner sneakily gets pregnant or w/e).

There are too many variables – long standing body dysmorphia would definitely rear it’s ugly head (not a risk I’m willing to take), sensory issues of clothes not fitting (and not being able to lose the weight to fit back into those clothes), I need so much sensory downtime that children/obligations do not allow and I value my freedom next to nothing else and I really cannot risk losing it.

Cherry on top – the more regulated I am and full my cup is, the more time and love I have to give to my beautiful niece and nephews. I can be the best aunty in the world.

Which then brings the next train of thought – if I don’t want to have children, I don’t really need a partner.

Sure it would be nice, but it’s not a necessity. If anything, it’s a bit of a flight risk and the compromise is not something I’m willing to make.

GOSH why did 2000s rom-coms have to implant this stupid dream in our heads? Life is nothing like I expected and now I have to come to terms with that.

and I’m a cis-het woman for goodness sake.

Chew on that for a couple of days and I’ll write about what I’ve been up to in Tassie and what I’ve got planned for 2025

xx