I read It Ends With Us by Colleen Hoover yesterday.

Finished it in 24 hours.

I have avoided this story for a while.

I remember the hype around it when the movie came out, but someone told me it was about DV and I am very sensitive to violence and abuse in the media.

This book was sensational.

Gripping right from the beginning, curious and pretty much what I love in a story.

I got almost midway through the book before the incidents began to happen and I was quite happy with that – there was a grand build up and connection to characters in place. Which come to think of it, was probably a calculated move by the author, as we see the confliction in the moral dilemma the protagonist experiences.

One of the questions is ‘we always ask why the victim stayed, why don’t we ask why the perpetrator does it?’

That hits hard.

Breaking the cycle, leaving because your wellbeing is not worth trusting someone who has previously broken your trust.

Your limits move with each fresh abuse.

I’ve come to realize, I let someone manipulate me and sell me lie after lie, while they were living a completely different life I wasn’t aware of.

I let them do this, because I learned to tolerate it in my childhood.

I learned to tolerate disrespect.

Walking away from that person, putting up a stone wall and cutting off all access to me was one of the hardest things I’ve done.

But because I was strong enough to reevaluate my worth and decide it was more than what they were capable of giving and wanted to give me, I am now able to stand up for myself with cuts that run much deeper.

Those childhood wounds.

I would never wish for anyone to go through what I’ve gone through, however I can see now that I had to in order to learn what I needed to learn. The gift keeps giving and the strength I grew is still supporting me 15 months later.

I don’t want to live in a world where I am skeptical of everyone I meet.

I would love to live in a world where I can date and feel comfortable with being around new people.

but that isn’t the world we have created.

There are liars and cheaters and people who will use you to satisfy their needs and toss you to the side.

I am getting to the stage where I would like a companion, I don’t necessarily want a partner to settle down with, but someone to share the joy of travelling with.

It infuriates me that I am so wary of people’s intentions (men in particular) but I am remaining open and optimistic that with the warmer shores I will find people who are on my wavelength.